Yes and… are the most frequent words out of improvisors’ mouths. And for good reason. That’s the rule, the law, the principle, the first and foremost skill we must acquire. If we want to create something out of nothing, to create a world, a scene, characters, a story, we must say ‘yes’ to whatever our partner throws at us and then add something of our own. If we say ‘no’, we’ll get stuck in one place and nothing will be created.
This notion fascinated me when I started doing Improv, because what it basically says is that whichever idea I bring to the table is good enough, because whichever idea I pitch will get a ‘yes’ from someone and then have something added to it. No idea of mine will ever be ruled out, will ever remain on the cutting room’s floor. This concept blew my mind because in real life, we’re so used to saying the word ‘no’, it slips out of our mouths without even noticing it anymore, and when a new idea, a new action, a new experience comes along, we immediately say ‘no’ to it, not because we’re being negative, but because we don’t like being obligated (the ‘yes’ forces you to commit to doing something, so it’s ‘no!’ first and then I’ll see if I’m ready) and because we’re afraid, we’re afraid of the unknown, afraid to fail. We’re so accustomed to this ‘no’ word that we don’t even notice how many times it unintentionally slips out of our lips throughout the day, even when we are in agreement. “I love your shoes… no, they’re to die for… No, killer shoes.” “No, I agree with you…” (why start with no, then?) “You don’t get it, no… You don’t get it” (maybe if you explain it to me – I’ll get it) and there are numerous more examples. Examine yourselves and see how many needless ‘no’s’ you say in the course of one day.
And let there be no confusion, the word ‘no’ is a very important word! It sets a very clear boundary and it must be respected!. But we do say the word ‘no’ far too often. Even when we don’t need to say it.
The deeper I delved into the world of Improv the more I discovered the difference between “stage-me” and “everyday-me”. All I would ever say on stage is ‘yes’ and ‘yes’ and ‘yes’ again, to everything thrown at me during scenes. We’re at the beach – yes!! We’re invading Mars – yes!! I’m a 93-old tap-dancing lady – yes!! yes!! yes!! (even though I haven’t the faintest idea how to tap dance). But in everyday life? Want to go to the beach? No!! (I don’t want to parade my body in a bathing suit) Mommy, let’s play alien invasion – No! It will only make a mess and I cleaned and tidied the house yesterday. Want to go to a party at some club until the wee hours of the morning? Hell no! How will I get up in the morning? The amount of times I’d said ‘no’ to myself because I was too afraid of failing, afraid of what people would say, was enormous (more on that on my next post: Trusting myself), the amount of times I’d said ‘no’ to my kids was enormous! They need boundaries, sure, but with so many boundaries all the fun was lost. And then, one evening, I’d had a déjà vu: I was finishing making dinner, trying to yank my kids away from the TV and over to the dinner table, true, I put them there in the first place so that I could quietly make dinner, but the war to tear them away from the TV every single night was exhausting – every night it was the same thing – “Come to dinner!” – “No!” – “Turn off the TV and come here” – “It’s not over yet!” – “I can hear the ending song, come here, everything will get cold” – “We don’t wanna, don’t turn off the T-E-L-E-V-I-S-I-ON!!!!!” I do turn it off, they’re yelling and screaming, dinner starts with everyone pissed off and it takes 10 minutes to pick up the pieces. That night I was staring at them and I ran this familiar scenario in my mind. Suddenly an idea popped in my head – what if I used the “Yes, and…” principle? Meaning, I’d say yes to their situation and at the right moment add my own thing into the mix? I sat on the couch next to them. “What are you watching?” They told me the name of the show. “What’s it about? Who is this character? What’s wrong with this guy? Why is he running?” I started asking questions, showing interest, and to my surprise they didn’t hush me up but rather enthusiastically recounted what we were watching. After a few minutes, when it felt right, I told them “And now let’s pause for a moment and go have dinner and you will tell me all about it during dinner” (it was hard to detach ourselves, they were watching something truly fascinating). To my surprise, it was a very smooth transition, they depicted the plots of previous episodes and told me of their favorite characters. I was astounded at how smooth the transition has been. When dinner was over I had to face the next challenge… Shower… (If anyone here knows of a kid who likes to get in – or out – of the shower, once they’re already in there – let him speak now!). So now I decided to play the “Yeah, awesome” game with them: one person suggests and activity “Let’s have some ice cream”, and everyone replies: “Yeah, awesome” and pretend-eat the ice-cream. Then the next person suggests another activity “Let’s horse-ride” – “Yeah, awesome” and everyone pretends to ride a horse. We continued this way for several minutes until I said “Let’s go to the bathroom to shower with real water!!” and to my surprise I heard “Yeah, awesome!!!!” and in 2 minutes they were in the shower.
Unbelievable! It worked… slowly, with time, I incorporated more and more games that relate to this flow of saying ‘yes’ to one another and to the world. The more I did it, the more I realized that it’s simply a muscle you have to train.
The main thing I took from this into my life, communicating with myself and my surrounding is to be attentive to the ‘no’ that starts brewing inside and before it comes out to stop and say “Wait a minute, let me think about it” “”Going to a friend’s house for a sleepover? Let me think about it”, “Going out even though I’ve had an awfully exhausting day? Let me think about it”, “Paint the house with the kids on Saturday? Let me think about it, even though I already know the answer to that one.”
Being aware of the “no” that comes out automatically and the ability to stop and examine led me to say ‘yes’ much more often, led me to try new things, brought a youthful spirit back into my life along with laughter and fun, it brought back the audacity, the vivacity.
In Improv, a scene is created when one partner brings up an idea, the other partner says ‘yes’ to that idea and adds something of their own, the first one says ‘yes’ to that and adds something of their own (we’re on the beach, yes, and it’s night time, yes, and we’re having a bonfire and playing the guitar) and so on… and so on… and so on… until something new is created that none of the partners ever thought would be created, none of them had planned what was created on their own. That’s why in Improv we say that one and one is three. 1+1=3. To me, that’s the true essence of ‘Yes, and…” – to create a new impromptu.
“Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” – Dr. Seuss.
The movie “Yes, Man”, starring Jim Carrey, deals precisely with this concept, the new world you discover when you dare say ‘yes’. Here’s the trailer:
that starts brewing inside and before it comes out to stop and say “Wait a minute, let me think about it” “”Going to a friend’s house for a sleepover? Let me think about it”, “Going out even though I’ve had an awfully exhausting day? Let me think about it”, “Paint the house with the kids on Saturday? Let me think about it, even though I already know the answer to that one.”
ov, a scene is created when one partner brings up an idea, the other partner says ‘yes’ to that idea and adds something of their own, the first one says ‘yes’ to that and adds something of their own (we’re on the beach, yes, and it’s night time, yes, and we’re having a bonfire and playing the guitar) and so on… and so on… and so on… until something new is created that none of the partners ever thought would be created, none of them had planned what was created on their own. That’s why in Improv we say that one and one is three. 1+1=3. To me, that’s the true essence of ‘Yes, and…” – to create a new impromptu.